...teach parents that they must repent and be baptized, and humble themselves as their little children, and they shall all be saved with their little children.
And their little children need no repentance, neither baptism...
But little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world; if not so, God is a partial God, and also a changeable God, and a respecter to persons; for how many little children have died without baptism!
Wherefore, if little children could not be saved without baptism, these must have gone to an endless hell.
...
For awful is the wickedness to suppose that God saveth one child because of baptism, and the other must perish because he hath no baptism.
...
And I am filled with charity, which is everlasting love; wherefore, all children are alike unto me; wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are all alike and partakers of salvation.
Little children cannot repent; wherefore, it is awful wickedness to deny the pure mercies of God unto them, for they are all alive in him because of his mercy.
And he that saith that little children need baptism denieth the mercies of Christ, and setteth at naught the atonement of him and the power of his redemption.
-From the Book of Mormon in Moroni Chapter 8 verses 10-20.
When I first lost Liam I felt like this scripture was somewhat comforting, because at least I knew Liam wasn't being punished for never having been baptized. But I also wished it spoke more to my situation. I know birth is a pretty important aspect of God's plan for His children, and I also knew Liam's spirit left his body before his body was born. So what did that mean? Did that mean he'd never really been born? What would that mean for my baby's salvation? Yeah, ok, he didn't need to be baptized. That's good. But that wasn't enough to calm my heart.
I am sure Liam's spirit had been with us. There have been times I've doubted it, but I've always come back to the thought that if he was never really here, why did I feel so much like something was missing? I'm not talking about missing the possibility of having a baby or the excitement of being pregnant. I've mostly come to terms with giving those things up (at least for now). I miss a personality that slipped into my life so tenderly and so slowly that I didn't realize how much I had felt him with me until he was gone.
For a while I just trusted in my own testimony of God's love and thought whatever the answer was about Liam's salvation, it had to be loving and fair. I didn't have much to go on, but I reasoned that there were only two possibilities. Either Liam had been here, or he hadn't. And if he had been here, God had to be taking care of him now. And if he hadn't... that wasn't possible, because I already knew he was. (If anyone can tell whether a baby is really a baby, it's that baby's mother and father. No one could be more qualified.) So that left one possibility. Liam had to be safe, somehow.
Recently I gave a lesson in church on sharing your love for the Book of Mormon and challenged everyone to share something about the Book of Mormon. I decided to try to find a scripture for those who had been through a similar situation to my own. It wasn't until I reread these scriptures that I found support for what I already suspected to be true. I want to emphasize a few of my favorite parts.
...teach parents that they must repent and be baptized, and humble themselves as their little children, and they shall all be saved with their little children.
A promise that parents can be with their children again.
But little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world; if not so, God is a partial God, and also a changeable God, and a respecter to persons; for how many little children have died without baptism!
God is fair. He does not punish His children for things outside their control.
And I am filled with charity, which is everlasting love; wherefore, all children are alike unto me; wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are all alike and partakers of salvation.
Christ loves all children, and all little children are saved.
And he that saith that little children need baptism denieth the mercies of Christ, and setteth at naught the atonement of him and the power of his redemption.
Because of His love for little children, God prepared a plan of mercy through Jesus Christ's atonement so they can all be saved, even without baptism.
My rereading rung in my mind as if Christ is pleading for the reader to understand how important these little children are to him. Almost as if to say, "How could you think something as trivial as whether a little child has been baptized could deny that child salvation? Have I not suffered enough to pay for something that simple? Do you not think I love my children enough to provide them mercy over a technicality?"
Another section of this chapter reads,
Behold I say unto you, that he that supposeth that little children need baptism is in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity; for he hath neither faith, hope, nor charity; wherefore, should he be cut off while in the thought, he must go down to hell.
Which sounds incredibly condemning. But I have found many of the warnings in the scriptures describe natural consequences of sin rather than arbitrary punishments. I know first hand how much faith, hope, and charity living without my baby takes. To believe my baby was not saved, especially because of something so unfair as not having the opportunity to be baptized, would certainly cast be into a "gall of bitterness." And if I were to die still believing I could never be with my son again, could I imagine that future as anything but hell? Even this scripture seems to me to be a plea from Christ for each of us to "get it." Because it is so important to Him, and to us.
I know the LDS church doesn't have any cut and dry doctrine about miscarriage or stillbirth. And I don't pretend to know more than anyone else about it. But I do know that these scriptures are true. The Book of Mormon is meant for each of us, right now, in our own situations. This experience, among many others, is proof to me that it is meant for me in my life. Its words are true. Christ loves all of his children--all of us. He has suffered infinitely so that we can be with Him and our Heavenly Father again, forever. And all little children are saved. And to me, this includes Liam, my very little child.
I love the Book of Mormon. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. And I love my God, my Heavenly Father. I thank Him for blessing me with my little family and know He loves us and watches over us.
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Feel free to ask me more about what I believe.
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