Be Still, My Soul

My heart aches for my baby today.

I know he's safe and that I'll be with him again some day. In church today I received an answer to a prayer for comfort in the form of getting to sing two of my favorite hymns. The first was How Firm a Foundation.

Fear not, I am with thee. O be not dismayed. For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.

That one always makes me cry. I know it so well that as soon as I saw the hymn number I knew I would be crying.The second was Be Still, My Soul. I've always loved the music to this song but never really considered the words before. Today I listened to them in a way I never had before.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.Leave to thy God to order and provide;In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly FriendThru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertakeTo guide the future as he has the past.Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;All now mysterious shall be bright at last.Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still knowHis voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning onWhen we shall be forever with the Lord,When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

It was during the second verse that I started to really listen to the words. I worry about the future now. I worry about whether my body is healthy and whether Kam and I will ever have living children and even sometimes I still worry about what will happen to Liam. But I have a goal written on my phone that I will go forward with hope instead of fear. It's hard some days. It's only a goal right now. But this song was comforting for that reason.

But it was the last verse that really got me. Sorrow forgot. That's what Kam sometimes tells me. How when we get to be with Liam again, it won't even matter that we had to go through all this to be there. That whole verse seemed to me like a testimony that that reunion will come someday. And it's not forever away.

Even though it feels that way right now. I miss my baby so much.