This isn't what I wanted.

I try not to think that too often, because I know it won't change anything. But sometimes it creeps in and refuses to leave. Today's been an emotional roller-coaster. Numbness to hope to numbness to anger to fatigue. My level of faith right now is this,

"God, this isn't what I wanted. I sure hope you know what you're doing, because I sure don't. "

I'm too tired and hurt to remember why I thought everything was going to be ok. So I give up. I'm just going to hope God really will make it ok, and leave it at that. And try not to think anymore for a while.